Voting for the first time, a written history

POSTED ON: Thursday, May 10, 2018 @ 10:00 AM | 0 comments

Today I'm 24 years old, going to be 25 in the month of June. The requirement to register for voting is the age 21. 5 years ago in the year 2013, I didn't get my chance to vote as I was only 20 years old, just a year before the required age to start voting for the good of my country.

And in that year 2013, the nation was angry, upset, disappointed, sad when they're ripped from their voice to vote. The vote which was unfair and just to the country Malaysia.

Fast forward to the present. It's 2018, Malaysia once again is patiently waiting for their time again to vote and this time, hoping and praying that change will happen today. You see, it's been 60 years that only one political party has been winning the election since independence in 1957. Barisan National is the name.

And while I'm not good with history and wasn't interested in politics whatsoever, it was quite appalling to hear that Barisan National was always the ruling party of Malaysia.

If you were to talk to myself 5 years ago, I would say that my vote doesn't matter since there's no chance will happen and Barisan National will keep on winning. I'm always never into politics so why would I vote? If you would hear me say those things, you will be angry at me. Yes, I was that person.

But during the 5 years, I see many changes. So many, the one that stood out was the scandal that rocked the world and brought Malaysia to shame, the 1MDB scandal. I won't go too many details as you should already know bits of it by now, but when the news broke, the nation was fueling with rage. By how the election was tampered with.

Now, on May 9th 2018. We're back again and this time, I'm at the right age to vote.

The night before, I prayed. I prayed that somehow that would be a chance, perhaps a miracle that the opposition party, Pakatan Harapan would win. It's on a Wednesday, a public holiday, schools and offices are closed.

I went to cast my vote at around 1pm, with the crowd still around and lining up. It was hot that day despite I was on the first floor of the school corridor, there was shade but it was still hot, thankfully there's a strong wind blowing every now and then. It took roughly 20-30 minutes until I finally cast my vote. With my right index finger as proof that I voted ( I'm lefthanded so they let me dipped my finger with my right hand).

Time flew rather quickly and just like that the voting ended and it's has come to the tensest moment. The result.

I waited. The nation waited. It was a tough race seeing Pakatan Harapan and Barisan National racing back and forth with numbers rising every now and then. At first, BN was leading, then PKR it was tense to watch.

Then..., it got really suspicious. The results stopped updating. Videos circulating on Facebook that there's suspicious activity happening to compromised the voting count. It's like 2013 all over again.

However, despite that, the nation still waited. Staying up all night just waiting to see who would win the parliament and thus. The hour dragged, it was already 12am at this point, almost 1am I was feeling tired, unsure whether I'd be going back to work the next day. Though PKR promised they will give us 2 public holidays if they win, I still went to bed after that.

I don't know how long I've slept but I somehow awoke, as if something has woken me up, not in an eerie way but my conscious was telling me something that I should wake up. Something has happened. And the one thing you should know, you should ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUTS.

Then, my mum called me up. We'll be getting two days of holiday. And that would only mean one thing. I asked her back, "Did Pakatan won?," She said, "Yes,"

Immediately I got up from bed and hurried to turn on the computer to look at the news, I turned on my phone the same time and got the news from my employer that he declared holiday.

The news was everywhere on my computer screen. And I can tell you this, it felt too good to be true. It felt like I was dreaming.

Somehow, Tun Mahathir, the well respected former Prime Minister won the election. (TLDR in case you're not familiar. Tun M was under BN when he was Prime Minister until he resigned in 2003. He was in the office for the last 22 years. The longest serving PM and the record still held by him. However when the scandal of our current PM rocked the nation. Tun M is the only person that could stop him. And in order to do so he joined the opposition to take the current PM down.)

History has been made. That night. For the first time, the opposition won. The nation has spoken. Tun M becomes Prime Minister for THE SECOND TIME. The nation will also be getting the first female deputy prime minister. And every time, I look down at my right index finger, where it was stained with the indelible ink, it's a sign that I contributed that history.

With that my friends is how my first time voting contributed history.

How this new job environment changed me?

POSTED ON: Sunday, March 5, 2017 @ 6:51 PM | 0 comments

I should really get back to the blogging mood. I honestly missed blogging and I want to get back to it, looking back my long history archive of blog posts I've come up with I think it's truly a waste if I delete the whole entire blog.

So here I am trying to get my groove back into blogging.

Where should I even start?

As I'm writing this, it's already March of 2017. Crazy how much time flies in such a speed. And of course I'm in a new job environment after leaving my last previous one.

How did I change me after working there for 3 months? A lot.

I'm more relaxed than I am now. I can now sleep peacefully after so long, my depression and anxiety isn't as much as last time. Insomnia in my sleep or waking up middle of the night is rarely now. And of course, I don't have to deal with those pesky and negativity from my old colleagues. No more.

And no longer having to deal with pesky annoying clients as well, though I could only think of one few in particular. The times of them sending me text message after works requesting about my task and what not is really annoying. Not to mention, they are completely inconsiderate about after working hours. Do I even feel guilty not telling them that I'm leaving? Not one in a slightest moment.

Though I should step in on a common courtesy visit but during the weekends of course because there's no way I will be seeing those staff people.

But let's talk about my new life in my new workplace. First of all, my current employer is comfortable to interact with, he seems laid back and very conversational, very open minded as well. I'm definitely learning a new more things, combined with the lessons I learned back in college.

My colleagues are friendly and about the same age as I am. Though, they're mostly Chinese educated but their English is still conversational and understandable when interacting.

And of course the challenge is I'm now touching on really graphic design using my creativity and this is the thing I didn't manage to do when I was back in my old previous job last time. I have to challenge myself get more info, research, be inspired. My creativity must not run out and keep going no matter what.

Workload? It depends. But like I said earlier, I must depend on my creativity now to produce interesting graphic and web design I must challenge myself and not stick with that one particular thing.

That's all it is to it. I'm hoping to do well and strive better in my duties and I'm hoping that this year, things are looking up better and good for me.


They say you should let it go? But should I?

POSTED ON: Wednesday, March 1, 2017 @ 6:52 PM | 0 comments

Right before I left my old job, there was this particular ex-colleague who was a complete pain in my ass. Where should I begin with him? Everything.

I've been warned about him. The person who take things for granted, lazy, the guy who never did his work but surfing on the internet during office hours, never checks on things. Apparently he's been working there for 6 years, obviously older than me by roughly 3-4 years, but shows no improvement.

Then it's no surprise when I found out that he's a college dropout and doesn't hold a diploma. With that attitude like that? Why do I even question it.

At least I worked my ass off and got myself a college diploma. So haha in your face.

The moment I stepped in to work there. He already sets his target on me. At first it was nothing, then it started off by shoving his work load on me. And whenever there's a client coming in, he straight pointed up at me, which I don't understand, why can't he take this client instead? Of course, he just wants to be a lazy ass.

Then he didn't want to help me with somethings when I needed his help, so I referred to my other colleague of mine.

I don't want to elaborate too much because it'll open up old wounds, but during the time he was around I always felt tense and uneasy, funny cause when he left... I felt so much at peace. Though I hated that I have to take over most of his workload and clients now. Fucking hell.

I still kept a grudge towards him I still do. Somehow I wonder I should let it go over the times he's been especially rude and mean to me, but part of me wanted revenge like I wanted to get back at him. I know what some of you guys are thinking reading this post right now, "Why would you even think that way? He's left his job, you left the job. Why kept that grudge?"

That's the thing I don't know why. Maybe that's the thing about me and my attitude, I kept grudges.

Still to this day my plan to get back at him, is at the simplest thing is to hack his email account.

So yeah, I'm still keeping it into myself.

If you're reading this, ex-colleague of mine. I wish you nothing but fuck yourself in the ass. Most certainly I do not wish a good life for you.

Starting a new phase

POSTED ON: Thursday, November 10, 2016 @ 3:50 PM | 0 comments

I started a new phase, it's called the seeking for a new job to escape from my current job phase. I did a lot of researching, updating my resume and my portfolio and applying for new companies. Mum and Dad gave their blessings, encouraging me to go further with my life and take on a new journey. I'm still young after all. 

Also that I couldn't stay another minute anymore at that hellhole. I can't live to stay at there dealing with those pesky people and politics. A place where there's guarantee no future for me, a place where I have to deal other things than graphic work which honestly what's the point of doing finance work. Though dealing with clients is an inescapable task in my line of field, but if I can find a job that doesn't require me to face clients is perfect enough. 

I shouldn't press my luck too much. Finding for a perfect company is impossible. Nothing is perfect in this world after all. But now my task is to get a response from a company I apply go through the interview. If I passed that interview another step to conquer. 

I must mentally tell myself that I shouldn't give up. Giving up is not the right way to it and I shouldn't let that affect my emotions and my day. I can only wish for luck and guidance above me.

What does my future lies?

POSTED ON: Tuesday, November 8, 2016 @ 3:49 PM | 0 comments

So 1 year from being in this hellhole. I suffered long enough to face this place, and now I can finally use this chance to pursue further. After thinking through the pros and cons working there I can now conclude that working at that hellhole is not the right place for me. Though, the boss is kind and only 1 colleague is tolerable. The others? I don't want to mention those people.

Yes, people told me over and over that office politics happen everywhere and I cannot be quick to judge about that said company when I apply to a new job. Office politics happen everywhere and I shouldn't be quick to judge and be happy about it.

That along with handling clients. Some clients are okay and friendly, some I don't really like to deal with them. If I have to rate the most frustrating list of clients I handled, I can pretty much see it now after working there in 1 year.

Don't get me started with another colleague (now ex-colleague) who decided to drop everything working there for 6 years and throw his jobs and clients at me. Whoopie. He wasn't the nicest person anyways. With his sarcastic talk and actions, worthless.

I mean I did heard that he didn't get a college diploma and was a college dropout. Why am I not surprised?

But truth to be told, when he left I could feel that heavy burden being lifted off my shoulders, though I can't escape with the shitload he dumped on me. Good riddance to him.

But even so, I can't stay in that place forever.

Staying there, a second, a minute longer will trigger my depression and anxiety. All those sleepless nights, that I have endured from working there. Not to mention, suicidal thoughts.

My chance is here and I'm going to take it to plan my escape.

Depression is a roller coaster

POSTED ON: Monday, October 17, 2016 @ 12:12 PM | 0 comments

To me, depression is a complicated subject. And I can pretty much relate to the people out there who's dealing with depression, it didn't started out that way, for me, it started out with anxiety back when I was in college. I only had anxiety during that time, and lots of self-doubts, then after my graduation and got my first job, anxiety manifests itself into a large scale of darkness which thus depression.

According to Google search, the signs of depressions were :

As you can see these signs to make me question myself that I have depression. Since as long as I could remember I wasn't happy as before, but constant sadness, even the rain, the weather I love didn't seem to cheer me up unlike before. My love for writing, didn't seem so appealing and favourable to me anymore.
And when I mean't depression is a roller coaster, it feels like a joyride, one moment you're up to the tallest peak reaching to the heavens above and then you plunge down into hell, to me that's how depression is.
Suicidal thoughts? It happens, oh the idea of taking my own life so I can be in peace. But it's hard because there's already a death in my family due to suicide, thinking about my parents, my sister suffering once I'm gone from this world. I thought of all methods to kill myself, and honestly it's scary. I even thought of writing a suicide note, how long should it be, expressing my regrets to my loved ones.

What is Anxiety?

POSTED ON: Saturday, September 17, 2016 @ 4:58 PM | 0 comments

Anxiety is what keeps you up at night, anxiety is like walking on thin ice watching the ice cracks underneath your feet and any time soon, the ice gives up and you fall beneath the cold dark waters. Anxiety like what people said, you're in constant fear not sure what misfortune is going to happen to you. Anxiety strikes when you dream that you're falling from the tallest building and fall against the ground but in reality it wakes you up to your heart pounding a million miles per hour, panting trying to catch your breath.

Anxiety feels like you're stuck in a limbo, an endless limbo where there's no way of escaping. Anxiety is pure torture, and from anxiety it manifests itself into a bigger black hole of nightmare and darkness, depression.

Depression and Anxiety coming together isn't a good combination. Like a virus that found each other decided to find the way to attack the person from the inside out.

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