What's life lately?

POSTED ON: Tuesday, July 5, 2016 @ 11:32 PM | 0 comments

So, it has been more than a year since I last updated this blog. To be honest, I have lost the mood to blog since my last entry, but alas I have returned more than a year later. So you must be wondering, what has happened after a whole year. Well, a lot of things happened.

I've began a new chapter in life after ending my college year chapter. As of now, I'm already working, yes. I've already taken a new leaping step in life as an adult, the stepping life of fending myself for support myself instead of my parents. And it's not as easy as it seemed to be.

I must say with the college life, I think I might have developed anxiety and depression. Now I must admit also, I self-diagnosed myself with anxiety and depression, but I feel constantly on the edge whenever I stepped into the office and negative thoughts invaded my head with the worst case scenario that's about to happened. And it's scary. It gets bad when I woke up to anxiety as well, the panic attacks I gotten suddenly doesn't seem to help either.

Not to mention, the working environment in my current workplace isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Office politics is what I get to experience first hand. And it scares the crap out of me, I have to be on my guard always, always careful, to keep my eyes alert as they're watching me to make a mistake taking it as an advantage and then using it against me.

And don't get me started that I have workload shoved at my face by a colleague who doesn't want to do their own work and decided that it's a good idea to let me handle it all. I shall talk about this the next time.

My boss is a kind person, and I feel guilty at times for disappointing him with my flaws, I mean that makes us human, we're not 100% build in perfection, but I am trying my best. Everyday from 9-5pm in that office I'm trying my best.

Talking to people closest to me helps, but not my parents. My best friends who seem to be in the same position as I do because we're all in the same age and can relate to it. Ranting and venting helps a lot, sometimes crying too. But of course, it doesn't always solve everything but just taking away that momentarily numbness that sets in your aching heart.

As I'm writing this entry now, I'm almost working there for 8 months now, approaching 9 months. I could say it's an achievement. But how long will I be there? That's the question, I'm working to gain experience as this is my first time in the working industry, but when I leave that place. What is the future set for me? Will I get to find a good comfortable working environment where I can be happy and not worry about everything else? That doesn't trigger my anxiety or fueling my depression whenever I get home, when that's the time I'm suppose to be relaxing and forget about work but I just couldn't? I guess time will tell.

Writing helps. As I'm doing writing now, blogging and writing out my feelings of what I've kept deep inside my heart. I know that I always turn to my number 1 passion which is writing. The only thing that calms my thoughts. And after I ended it with a full stop, I feel content.

The fact that I continued my hobbies writing fanfictions and posting them online makes it even better too. I mean to read comments from other readers saying that they enjoyed my story makes me happy.

And now I'm blogging again. I really do miss blogging and I hope to do more again in the near future.


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